Searching for that "study" mood

I've noticed yet another interesting thing in the course of my first month of grad school in Austin: here, it's not uncool to study. More accurately, it's not uncool to be seen with your head buried in a textbook. I see it all around me, every day. The guy with the Nowitzki Jersey and the chiseled physique (who'd rather be on the basketball court at that moment) is wrestling with Real Analysis sums . The babe in the next table, whom on appearance you'd associate more with sixth street hopping than an engineering department, cuts her call because she has to complete her homework. This kind of observation seems pretty pointless (a bit like looking on in disbelief at your Tamil Brahmin friend who's helping himself to the meat) but anyone who's familiar with the engineering college scene in India knows the stereotypes and cliches. "Last Minute Study" and "Dress Code", to name a couple. So what am I getting at? The cynic would probably say I don't have a life, I've got nothing better to do than study all day, and now I can actually justify it! Wrong. (Well at least the first part's right - I don't have a life). It's just made me conscious that four years of engineering back home, with its 'beating the system' mentality, has just about finished off my capacity to study seriously. Hard work and organised studying are unfortunately a way of life in gradschool. However hard I try, I just can't recapture the study mood (which i probably last felt back in class XII). I've tried all the stuff that worked back home: coffee (the lousy black variety), ice cream breaks, acronym shortcuts (and other laughable strategies that helped me get through some scary subjects), and have given up. It'll work itself out somehow. It's a throwback to school days, 10th and 12th especially, when aspiring to get a shining report card, if not top the class, was almost fashionable (in a perverse sort of way). Of course, in grad school, your marks are way more significant: they pretty much decide your career. It's still amusing to look back at school when, underneath all the tax-free comments like "What a punter...ready to smash this test are you.." or "Shut up man...you've been belting...you'll tho bloody max this exam..", there was this undercurrent of serious, cut-throat competition. Driven by the enthusiasm you'd only find in highschoolers, it even went to the extent of who could solve sums quicker in class, thus clamouring for the math teacher's attention. The class was an academic battleground. (As an aside, it's pretty scary to think that all this was more than six years back) I had a pretty passive attitude to all this. This was mostly because of my prediliction for subjects like English, Geography and History which were deemed unfashionable by the 'science types'. After all, I was more fascinated by the origin of places with exotic names like Tierra Del Fuego or the Rift Valley than applying Pythogoras' theorem. My passive attitude changed just a little bit towards the end of high school when I realised I was totally at sea in dealing with some of the subjects. From an exam point of view, everything I touched turned to ashes. The irony of it all is that most of the "science types" have got themselves out of the academic rut and are in sales or consulting, while I've just begun my MS in Electrical and Computer Engineering. I won't even bother with further contemplation. The current problem is how to get back on track. I suspect I need the presence of some brazen pricks who'll set a high precedent on scoring high marks and so on, just to stir that old "I'll show 'em" feeling in me. However, this isn't highschool and there's no time for all that. For the moment, procrastination and wotla seem to be my only constant companions.

Unnatural Act

Why am I here, and for how long? It's been exactly a month since I parted ways with Bangalore, so it seemed an apt time to key in something here. I don't feel greatly out of place here in Austin: indeed, my routine of waking up groggy, spending long hours on work and the rest of the day on wotla-ing, isn't really different from my routine in CTS a short while back (when I was on the project). I haven't had to make any major adjustments to my lifestyle which, for me, is a good thing. I still feel a little funny about being away from Bangalore, though.

Being in the states for at least two years feels like a break in the chain. Not that I'm especially homesick. I was never a conscious believer in karma, but my (subconscious) feeling about Bangalore was that I was somehow destined to be there for a very, very long time. Maybe I was there for too long and it was time to go someplace else. The chain ran something like this: after class 12, I applied to a number of colleges outside Bangalore but somehow knew I was going to remain there, and I did. When I got placed in CTS, despite the knowledge that we would probably be sent to Chennai for the training, there was the looming suspicion that I would end up in Bangalore after all, and it proved to be true. I wasn't complaining at all, though and spent a mostly relaxed year in Cognizant Bangalore. You may live in a city for many years and desparately want a change of scene, but you could also look at it another way. Every city is like a person, and you need time to get to know it better. In the last few years, I can't put my finger on it but I discovered a lot more of Banaglore and enjoyed it as well. Although I knew I most probably would be off to the states in a while, I somehow didn't shake off the karma theory. The city grew on me like old wine. (Yes, Bangalore has changed for the worse in many ways. While the rest of the population grumbles about it, you can still savour it for what it has to offer.) So, leaving for the states seemed somewhat abortive. The abortion analogy seems (crudely) apt: By killing the unborn child, you're commiting an unnatural act, impeding the course of nature. By leaving Bangalore, I broke the natural course of growing up wholly in that city (yes, I may be 22 but I'm still growing up). It's a crazy (and perhaps, needless) thought, but it feels almost like a sacrilege defying the Bangalore karma theory. A bit like killing the unborn child!

While I can't quite get over my pet belief, things are pretty good here. Austin has a bangalore-like charm, filled with pleasant people and nice weather (apart from the last part of summer which was way too hot). Settling in wasn't a problem at all, I'm getting by with a little help from my friends (read: roomies). The major adjustment has to be the academics, which are very homework-intensive. The Texans are an interesting set of people, proud of themselves and their state. I find quite a few parallels between them and the people form Punjab back home. Both are hardy warrior races, who overcame hardships and hostile conditions to turn their respective lands into prosperous states. They're both aggressive, enterprising, and lively sets of people. Every texan is said to own a gun, and every Sikh regards the Kripan as a symbol of spirituality. Texans share a common border and an overlapping culture with Mexico. The Punjab shares a definite and vital history with it's namesake across the Wagah border. And so on.

On an entirely different note, Prof Pearce comes up with these weird digressions to break the monotony of his field theory lecture. he consideres partial differential equations to be as vital to engineering as Shakespeare is to Literature. He brings up the humanities vs sciences debate thus: "These guys discuss Shakespeare over a cup of coffee when the day is done. How does Green's theorem sound over coffee, huh? And those guys have the nerve to say our field is narrow. After all, the average engineering student knows more about arts than the average humanities student knows about science and engineering! You might want to keep that in mind if you get invited to one of those parties, where the humanities people say "we" don't belong. When that happens, you might wanna shoot back 'When was the last time you solved a partial differential equation?!!' " A real Revenge of the Nerds moment, indeed.

In the hope of a black summer

On the Saturday before my departure to the states, Red Devil and Twisted Jean dropped in for lunch and also dropped off one of the best gifts I've received in a long while. To my surprise, the two had paid more than a cursory visit to the BeigeBrigade website http://www.beigebrigade.co.nz/gallery/ which I had talked about in some memoirs long ago, actually written to Paul Ford and Mike Lane and ordered the goshawful brown and tan shirt which was the original uniform of the Kiwi oneday side in the early 80s. So finally, I'm the proud owner of one of those disgustingly brilliant figure hugging, nipple gripping shirts and a memeber of the Beige Brigade! With it, however, comes the knowledge that I won't be able to catch up with most New Zealand games over the next couple of seasons. That is, unless the ICAs here in Austindecide to screen a few token games. This post is basically to wish the Kiwis all the best for the coming season, for which I, their biggest fan, won't be around. I'm also trying to grab some perspective from the previous season. Some musings, more from a one-day point of view:

OVERALL:From a fans' prerspective, last season was disappointing because it seemed to suggest the same problems which have plagued Kiwi cricket repeatedly are here to stay. By this I also mean a refusal to learn from experience and past mistakes (especially on the part of the batsmen). As always, the main batsmen seem to freeze in a crisis, the attack depends too heavily on Shane Bond's fitness for penetration, and bowling at the death remains a nightmare or an issue. The bowling problems of course haven't been helped by the injuries to key players. In this regard, it's worth pondering Adam Parore's view that Bond is perhaps better off saving himself for one dayers alone, just as Geoff Allott did in the last year of his short career. It's all very well for a fan like me to say "If only we had Shane Bond", but Bond's absence has become the norm, rather than the exception, so the team and John Bracewell should have figured out a way to deal with it. I've never been a great admirer of Bracewell's center-stage methods, and would prefer Stephen Fleming to have a greater say in selection and strategy. How Bracwell shapes the team for the World Cup will surely be interesting, whatever he comes up with.

THE BATTING:One thing that emerged from the roller coaster ride last season is the realisation that the guard is changing. Most of the players who were regulars in the side at the turn of the century are finding that time is not on their side any more. Despite being a reasonably successful outfit, the selectors have come to understand that the senior pros are just not tough enough or reliable in a crisis as they should be and thus the makeup of the side is evolving. The side did reach some spectacular highs over the last five years (such as the VB series in 2002), but another period of transition is here. Chris Cairns was surprisingly dropped, then brought back, and he finally decided to retire after the Sri Lanka series (though I felt he was still good for the World Cup). Chris Harris has been deemed surplus and looks unlikely to return, while Craig McMillan was shown the door after repeated failures. The form of Nathan Astle and Scott Styris is closely monitored to the extent that neither is assured of being a certainty in the lineup. The sheer competition for places in the middle order means that Harris and McMillan probably won't figure in the World Cup, while Styris will keep his place by virtue of being one of the better one day bowlers in the country (fitness permitting). Astle was dropped for a couple of games and it seemed to bring out the best in him. But, despite his past record, he will know that time isn't on his side anymore and he must reaffirm himself against strong bowling attacks before the World Cup. The suspicion that he's been found out by opposition bowlers still lingers.

On the other hand, the selectors introduced a number of new faces in the top and middle order. Peter Fulton, Jamie How, Ross Taylor, a reborn Lou Vincent and the hitherto uncapped Jesse Ryder provide the stiff competition for middle order spots in the coming season, which previous regulars like Matthew Sinclair and Hamish Marshall will also be eyeing. These guys acheived varying degrees of success last season. While the first three are untried abroad, they offer hope that some explosive quality may yet be brought to the side given the eternal inconsistency of the side's batting. In this respect, the coming season promises to be an exciting one. What the middle order does need is a rock, a firm stable player which New Zealand haven't found since the exit of Roger Twose. Hamish Marshall was on the way to cementing that spot when the horrors of the last season caught up with him. Despite his poor form, I was happy that Bracewell decided to stick with him. Marshall is potentially of great value to the side and has a decent record behind him. He needs to repay the selector's faith sooner rather than later. Perseverance is the key, but the crowded middle order means he won't be an automatic starter any more.

THE BOWLING: On the whole, the bowling remains a bigger worry. Unless Fleming, Bracewell and co come up with a well planned strategy and place enough confidence in the bowlers to execute it, we'll see New Zealand continuing to lose tight games. And of course there's the worry of finding a strike bowler to partner (or replace) Bond as the case may be. For now, Kyle Mills, Chris Martin, James Franklin, Michael Mason and Jacob Oram (plus a certain DL Vettori) make up the list. Not the most penetrative lineup, but Fleming is good at working his resources around. No doubt, like Martin Crowe earlier, he has some plan in mind which will be unfolded at the World Cup. What about Daryl Tuffey, who was the premier strike bowler a while ago, before the Aussies and injuries laid him low? Not to forget Ian Butler, the one bowler who seemed to be nearly as quick as Bond but generally ignored by the selectors who seem to prefer a wholly medium pace attack. The inclusion of another spinner, Jeetan Patel may yet give Fleming more options to work with. The hope is for a largely injury-free season, come what may.

THE MEN IN CHARGE: His batting heroics in South Africa apart, Fleming was largely off the spotlight, a sea change from the Dennis Aberhart era where he was in complete control. Here, John Bracwell made it clear who the boss really is and he continues in his bizzare vein, infuriating us supporters at times. If Bracewell's man management skills shone in the case of Marshall, then they positively fizzled out in the case of McMillan. While Macca was largely responsible for his own downfall, he was shunted up and down the order, and labelled a "floating hitter" by the coach. That's a pretty damning indictment of a batsman with more than 170 games under his belt. If, after nine years of international cricket, Macca isn't sure of what his role in the side is, there is something seriously wrong. I personally believe he is best suited to number six, where class bowlers don't have an early go at his shaky technique. The smaller grounds of the Caribbean are ideal for a destructive boundary hitter like him. The reality is, however, he has fallen down the list and his experience counts for squat in the current setup. The latest story in this episode sees Macca left out of the champion's trophy probables squad, with Bracewell citing "poor fitness". Jesse Ryder also comes in for criticism but keeps his place in the list. Bracewell, like most eccentric coaches, probably has his own squad in mind well before the World Cup. He certainly doesn't give in to public pressure, and at times, logic. Perhaps it's time for Flem to re-assert himself as the real leader and put the team back on track as we know he can. Seeing Dan Vettori captain a few games was pretty interesting for the fans, and there's no doubt he's being groomed as the future captain.

I won't be able to catch most of the Kiwis' games unless there's some coverage of the Champions Trophy here in Austin. As always, my wishes are with the Black Caps and for a change of fortunes. Sad not to be where the action is, but I sure hope the caps will give me a black season to remember.